It’s the first home match, and as usual it’s time to have a look round, see what’s changed for all that extra money you’re paying, say hello to the people round you who you haven’t seen since May and hope against hope that the bloke behind has finally given up, either on the Villa or on life. He’s been moaning about both of them since you first saw him and it’s a close-run thing which will see him off first.

It’s Everton; we played them last August as well. We won, Diego Carlos did his achilles and there was a gloriously Villa-esque fiasco where getting into the ground, facilities and just about everything else away from the match was concerned. It won’t be as hot on Sunday but please God we can’t have any more cock-ups off the pitch (except the Holte Suite being closed and whatever the lower Holte looks like now).

Might as well waste a few words by saying the bi-annual thing about how you can’t say anything new about Everton, mainly because we’ve played them so often. Did you know we’ve played them loads? They’ve been circling the drain for so often the drain’s sick of the sight of them. They used to be called the School of Science, then Ofsted got involved when they appointed Sean Dyche as manager. Idrissa Gueye is back at Goodison and Ashley Young joined them during the summer; he’ll get a good and well-deserved reception. We’ve already lost count of how many injuries we’ve got.