All the way from Tottenham

Spurs at home and the world promises to be a better place.

The end of the season’s coming like a jail on wheels and we’ve still got something to play for. Even better, it’s at the right end of the table even if the chance is a bit slimmer than it was a couple of weeks ago. In 48 hours time things might look different again as the story of the season continues to twist but for the moment we welcome another in the list of clubs who should be slapped down to what they are from what they think they should be.

And so we welcome Spurs to our palatial mansion d’football. I know we go on a lot about how the media love some clubs vastly out of all proportion but when it comes to Spurs all the rest have to bow down to the masters. Spurs are a Big Club. They’ve won one trophy this century. They finished runners-up in 2017, which was the highest they’d finished since 1961. That makes Spurs a Big Club. So, by that standard, are Southampton. This season they’ve sacked a manager, which they do often, and gone one better by sacking a caretaker as well. Anywhere normal this would mean someone like Mick McCarthy would be in line for a crack at the job but this is Spurs so they’re talking about whoever they fancy from Real Madrid or Bayern Munich. Humility, or even reality for that matter, are not words to be found in the Spurs dictionary. The bloke in charge this week is the youngest in Premier League history apparently, and looks like he should still be getting asked his age up Broad Street. It’s a heavy scene, alright.

They’ve got Harry Kane, who according to the papers (see above) will be playing if he isn’t off curing world hunger or brokering peace deals in Ukraine and the Middle East. They’ve also got Son, who will score against us even if he’s had his legs removed. Bastard. We’ve got a few back from injury and an undeniable sense of moral superiority, which is all we need in the most important match we’ll play until the next one. Try not to miss it if you ain’t got a ticket