Bournemouth are next up to feel the force.
It’s safe to say that the crowd on Saturday will be the biggest for a match against Bournemouth since 1972, and if you don’t know exactly how many that was then you’ve no business reading this. Be off with you.
The attraction might be that it’s a Saturday three o’clock, or post-St Patrick’s Day, or a chance to see the Villa win. It certainly isn’t the opposition. Bournemouth are the sort of club who it’s good to see get into the Premier League occasionally, just to annoy the Best League In The World pundits, but they should know their place and head back where they came from immediately. Luckily they seem to be doing just that this season, even if we did give them three points start. Giving them another three points would be helping a club who are just annoying rather than totally reprehensible but don’t go there.
Their supporters will no doubt be the very essence of smalltime daytrippers and we’ll spend most of the match looking at players to carry in the time-honoured Villa tradition of spending our summer money on new signings who did well against us then get relegated. We might have sporting directors and a worldwide scouting network now, but some of the old ways should always be upheld; that’s how we got such legends as Mustapha Hadji and Mark Draper. They’ve got a Brazilian captain named after a supermarket chain that was worse than Lidl and a manager who looks like whatever you buy, he knows a bloke who could get it cheaper, knowworimean. We should have Diego Carlos back in contention and Boubacar Kamara might be knocking around as well. Players who come back from injury quicker than expected is definitely not the Villa way.
Three points. That’s the minimum we should be expecting from this match. In fact, they should be giving us a couple of theirs just for letting them play at Villa Park.