Bournemouth on a Saturday afternoon in February. Could life get any better?
One of my nan’s favourite sayings used to be, “A joke’s a joke but bugger a pantomime.” It wasn’t her favourite saying; that was “I’ll have a double please,” but she said it often enough when we were playing up. What she meant was being a bit rowdy is fine but don’t take the piss.
That’s how we should feel about Bournemouth. It was funny when they got promoted all those years ago and Premier League entourages had to slum it in a ground that would have had the old Witton Lane looking like it belonged in the Maracana, but they’d outstayed their welcome when they went down in 2020 SheffieldUnitedHawkeye.
Then they came back up a couple of years later and haven’t really looked like going anywhere since. It wouldn’t be so bad if they thought about letting a few more into the ground but despite talking about it, and talking a bit more, it’s still no bigger. Perhaps if they ever filled it they might get a bigger one.
Another thing that hasn’t changed since last season is their manager. He’s still a Basque and if he was a few years younger his dad would have every right to look suspiciously at Unai and then at his wife. Their players are the usual Bournemouth collection of unknowns who’ll be sold for a fortune by this time next year. Tommy Elphick’s still there and this week’s Pretentious Staff Title is their Lead Rehabilitation & Performance Specialist.
Our players will be the usual collection of our few world-beaters who’ve managed to escape injury, plague, pestilence and flood. With luck there’ll be a couple back from injury and three back from where we sent them*.
It’s a Saturday three o’clock and we need to win it to stop worrying about the clubs below us catching up and to annoy the people who want them to catch us up. Which we will, so don’t worry. Just don’t go in the sea to celebrate.
*I know we only sent two of them away, but you get the idea.
