We’re off, and the holidays haven’t even started yet.
Joao Gomes has signed, after a brief scare when he stopped talking. It turns out that he was stunned into silence by something he’d not seen at his old club, an invention called ‘electricity’.
The players are back training, or at least the ones who weren’t at the World Cup. Also not there was Morgan Rogers, who’s been swapped for £117 million. We also get a pile of nonsense about how he loves us and he’ll always be grateful for the opportunity. Good luck, and may your next shite be a hedgehog.
While that little melodrama is being played out the pre-season programme starts with the annual Care in the Community match at Walsall. Our lesser players get a run-out, more supporters than usual can go to an away match, Walsall get the money to pay another couple of ages and we win 5-0. Emiliano Buendia’s captain, Brian Madjo gets a couple, George Hemming, Luka Lynch and Aidan Borland also score Everyone’s happy, except for the poor defenders trying to mark Madjo and anyone who gets their car ticketed outside.
And as expected, Amadou Onana’s had an ACL operation, which means we’ll be lucky to see him at all in the upcoming season.
It sounds as though we’re getting Alejandro Garnacho from Chelsea on loan. That’ll raise a few eyebrows, to say the least.
Emiliano Martinez is going to Juventus, isn’t going anywhere, wants to move, wants to stay and is thoroughly pissed off with the whole thing, according to what you read and what hour of the day it is.
Garnacho’s signed, with an option to buy him at the end of the season. There’s no mention of anything regarding appearances, or Harvey’s Clause as it’s also known.
The latest absolutely, definitely off player is Ezri Konsa. Arsenal and £40 million are the laughable amounts mentioned. He’ll be followed by Ollie Watkins to Fenerbache. Definitely.
Absolutely definitely going is Austin McPhee, who’s turned down the chance to be guitar tech for Metallica and he’s joining Chelsea. Also leaving is chief operating officer Ben Hatton, who used to regularly say how much he understood the ordinary supporter because he had a season ticket, without saying it was at Old Trafford.
We’re in Portugal for the next leg of the European tour and the expected collection of youngsters and non-internationals lose 2-1 despite another goal from Luka Lynch. Leon Bailey played a few minutes which might be his last in claret and, sorry, in claret, with a dream move to Hull still in the offing. Kosta Nedeljković and Modou Kéba Cissé look good again and might save us having to sign another defender or two.
There’s going to be a football festival in Victoria Square to “mark the arrival of European giants.” The Super Cup? Perhaps the start of the Champions League? Nope, it’s a fleeting visit by the Barcelona third team, and they’ll only be here because they’re being paid. Make it up you most certainly couldn’t.
There had been rumours of Pau Torres having a serious injury but it doesn’t seem too serious, which is the first bit of tempting fate of the season. Less surprisingly Alysson’s injured again.
