many reasons you're glad you're not a bluenose
  1. Your parents, though not perfect, knew the difference between right and wrong.
  2. You would have watched all your football from grounds resembling outside toilets.
  3. All your friends would have been as sad as you,
  4. Your shirt would have had the most appropriate sponsors' name ever.
  5. You never had to attend remedial classes at school.
  6. You never have to explain why your club has, yet again, dragged this city's name through the mud.
  7. You never have to experience losing to non-league sides.
  8. You would never have to try and argue that getting relegated (again) gives the club a chance to consolidate and rebuild.
  9. You never have to play in tin-pot competitions or pretend to be excited to reach their finals,
  10. You can sing songs with words of more than two syllables and with a greater depth and variety than excreting upon your neighbours.
  11. When you look at your club's crest you can feel genuine pride at its' achievements.
  12. You need never wonder how Huddersfield are getting on at York.
  13. You never cringe or laugh inappropriately when asked who you support.
  14. No matter how things have been, your Manager has never been a public embarrassment both in deed and in appearance.
  15. Your club crest is recognisable rather than appearing to resemble a huge piece of bellybutton fluff.
  16. Your all-time hero is not a Jasper Carrott-impersonating Antichrist.
  17. When television cameras show you in the crowd you will never look like you're a vagrant.
  18. You will never hear that grounds you have, visited hold you up as the kind of scum who will not be welcome back in the future.
  19. Away fans can visit your ground without fearing for their lives.
  20. The executive stag at your club do not appear in the tabloids in their night-clothes, or attempt to walk across a football pitch in stilettos.
  21. Your club is not financed through the exploitation and degradation of women to the perverted and socially inadequate.
  22. You need never hope for a big name in the cup draw.
  23. Fans of your club won't shame you, or the club they profess to love, in the eyes of the world at a boxing match.
  24. Your home ground won't be the last slum eyesore in Birmingham to be torn down.
  25. Your club won't have fifty professionals on its books, all of whom are no good according to, and regularly humiliated by, the manager who bought them.
  26. But most of all, you will never have to be associated with one of the most piss-poor outfits ever to call itself a football club.

David Rogers
Taken from Issue 36