from the chairman's diary

from the chairman's diary

The telephone rang early, I got up at once, hurried to the airport and watched her alight from the plane. So this was it. The moment had arrived and at last the long wait was over. Pleased? She was delighted!  I thought that she might be a little overawed, so to put her at ease I asked her if she collects autographs. Unfortunately she had left her autograph book behind so I was very glad that I had brought along a copy of my autobiography which I signed and presented to her there and then. The ice was broken!

As we got to know each other better I decided to ask her advice on a matter which had been troubling me for some time. "Your Majesty, if an employee of yours persuaded you to spendf six and threequarter million pounds on a footballer and then sat him on a bench and made him watch other people play football, what would you do?"

I thought her reply was excellent. "Well unfortunately Mr, er, we are unable to have such a person beheaded these days, but we would certainly dismiss him." I knew then that it was as I had long believed, that Her Majesty the Queen is right on my wavelength. The top person in any organisation needs to be decisive and I was sure that we were going to get on like a house on fire.

"We seem to have so much in common", I ventured. "For a start we have to put up with a great deal of ill-informed criticism. In your case the tabloid press is constantly digging for dirt whilst I have to put up with abuse from scurrilous, so-called supporters."

She agreed that indeed, the criticism can be hurtful but I told her Ithought she was wise to follow my example and keep her dignity by refusing to be drawn into public controversy. She smiled and nodded approvingly. I felt that we were beginning to develop a rare understanding.

"I am afraid that we both seem to have rather wayward children too, Ma'am,"

I observed. "Don't mention children", she replied, "they're nothing but trouble". Then she thought for a moment and said that perhaps the pressure of following in the footsteps of outstandingly successful parents makes life difficult for them.

Now Her Majesty has long held a great deal of admiration for me, but on this occasion I reluctantly had to disagree with her. I said that in my view there was absolutely no doubt that the younger generation should always obey their elders and betters. She just raised an eyebrow and smiled.

"As a long-reigning ruler do you ever feel the desire to give it up and hand over to somebody younger?" she enquired. "No. Never. Absolutely not. Under no circumstances", I responded. Again she nodded approvingly and added "The more Charles keeps pestering us, the more determined we are to keep on going." By now I just knew that she and I are kindred spirits.

"I see your mother has recently celebrated her ninety ninth birthday, Ma'am", I continued. "I hope I'm still going strong at such an age. I can just picture Aston Villa entering the new World League Championship under my leadership. Yes, I can see the manager, Lee Hendrie, and his lean, economical squad with the absolute minimum of strikers. And Aston Villa's profit and loss account the envy of the footballing world. It would make me so proud."

Her Majesty smiled and replied "Yes, and we are sure that we can more than match Mother, too. You obviously share an equally intense dislike of ageism with us, Mr, er, Ellis."

"Mr Ellis." How drab and mundane that sounds It fails to differentiate me, despite my achievement of becoming the most famous retired travel agent in North Birmingham, from the ordinary supporter in the stand. On the other hand, "Herbert Douglas Ellis O.B.E.", "The Right Honourable Sir Doug Ellis", even "Lord Ellis of Little Aston". How smoothly they roll from the tongue.What a fitting end to a lifetime's selfless public service, given without thought of favour or reward.  Perhaps I should ingratiate more. "Your Majesty, I understand that you have a grandson who supports Aston Villa", I enquired.

"Yes, we are afraid so, Mr whoever you are . We do wish Charles would make more effort to instil worthwhile values into his children." I assured Her Majesty that I am convinced supporting Aston Villa is extremely worthwhile and I offered to provide complimentary tickets to Aston Villa matches for any of her family who may want them.

"It would indeed be an honour, Ma'am, for Aston Villa to be patronised by the Royal Family. Indeed, I feel it would be a most timely moment to rename the Trinity Road stand the Queen Elizabeth II stand. Perhaps the Doug Ellis stand, which is situated opposite, would likewise benefit from a rather more aristocratic title."

"Just don't call it the Princess Diana stand. Or offer the Parker Bowles woman any tickets, complimentary or otherwise", Her Majesty replied.

Well, it was worth a try. I decided to attempt a different approach and offer my services to the House of Windsor as a financial consultant, being an acknowledged authority on cost management. I would, of course, first recommend a large increase in the cost of admission to Buckingham Palace and Sandringham to start with. Just as I was about to broach the subject, Her Majesty suddenly announced:

"Ah, we see that the Prime Minister is arriving. Thank you so much for amusing us while he was unavoidably delayed, Mr, er, I'm sorry, what was your name again?"

"Ellis, Ma'am. And thank you. It must have been a great honour."

As she went on her way I reflected on this momentous occasion, the meeting of two feisty, sprightly seventysomethings with so much in common. Not only do we both have years of achievement behind us but I believe that we are approaching our prime and that the best is yet to come. The twenty first century holds no fears for the country with the Queen and I to set an example. What a great day it must have been for her.

Richard Keeling.