It doesn't take long for some people to get into the same old groove. After their jammy draw against Fulham, Beelzebub Prince of Sinuses complained about Stan Collyflower's 'persistent fouling.' Stop whining you Small Heath tart. You and your donkeys should have gone out of business ten years ago to save us the pain of your mind numbingly boring speeches.

It's two days after our win at St James Park and the furore over Shearer's first ever sending off is breathtaking. It's as if God himself had got a red card in the Heaven versus Hell cup final. Okay, it was an innocuous challenge that got Poppins his marching orders, but as he'd already assaulted three of our players he should have no complaints.

A patchy performance against Everton, but an excellent scoreline and loads of plus points. Firstly, Steve Watson better get used to playing second fiddle because Delaney looks like that right back spot is his for keeps. David James looks better than anyone could have hoped - when he throws the ball out Joachim is the only bugger fast enough to catch it. I am impressed with George Boateng's no nonsense tackling, and all three goals were exceptional strikes, especially Dublin's. Let's not get too excited though; just like last year Everton looked dire, and Wally Smith ought to be looking out for the sharpened axe. I surprised myself with my parting comments in the last issue. Predicting wins at St James' and over Everton was spot on (copyright T. Ross, 1999) and Shearer got sent off as opposed to my hope of him being stretchered off. And we went top of the league. From now on call me Mystic Rob

I don't particularly like Leeds but their chairman sounds a decent bloke. After the lightening quick sale of Jimmy Floyd Bottlebank for £12 million, Peter Ridsdale says it's all there for O'Leary to spend on players. Then when they scoop Huckerby from the Jealous Guys for £5 million, Ridsdale insists that they will still sign another striker with what's left. Pssssst Peter, wanna job?

My old mate Dean Barrett will be occupying the seat next to me this season. This is a bloke who lost his job, got another, split with his wife, couldn't sell his house, has had to find lodgings and had numerous financial difficulties. But through all this he still managed to get his season ticket. His main reward for that loyalty is to spend every game next to yours truly. Well, I think it's a reward....

Oh dear, I have just read Richard Keeling's article in H&V 69. He's upset that we might become an international laughing stock. Eh? Who'd laugh at us when Small Heath are three miles up the road? And as for his comment that Villa could be thought of as an outpost of the National Front, I can't agree. The National Front campaigned for the repatriation of blacks, and currently we have six black players in our first team squad. I'm pretty sure Dion Dublin and George Boateng would have headed elsewhere if we were supposedly racist. Chill out Rich, you sound like one of those Commission for Racial Equality eejits looking for racism where it doesn't exist. It's the colour of the shirt, that's what we abuse. Strange thing, football bias. First we have the Anelka Saga, and the radio pundits are saying: "Greedy sod - get rid - let him rot in the stiffs - string him up" etc. The same thing happens when Bottlebank starts playing up at Leeds. Then we have the Roy Hooligan Keane I-want-forty-grand-a- week-or-I'm-off scenario. All of the press boys immediately reckon he's worth every penny. A- feckin-mazing.

It looked as if things were going right after Sky Sport Scuzzballs switched our game with West Ham to the Monday night. Until the 93rd minute. I haven't got anything against the Hammers now Knob Head Dicks has retired, and they gave Flight Sergeant Rogoff a good reception (as did we all). But as a 100% record and top spot in the Premier was so cruelly snatched from us with the very last kick I had pleasurable visions of a packed Upton Park being used for the latest Indian nuclear testing programme.

What's going on with George Boateng? He lasts an hour at Newcastle, 56 minutes against Everton and is replaced at half time against West Ham. Is he lacking stamina? Why does JG keep subbing the same player? And why does he do it when Thompson is playing like an unwiped arse?

So we wouldn't pay the £6 million for Robbie Keane, but the turds from Shitefield Road would. It doesn't say much for his ambition. The Jealous Guys are perennial relegation strugglers, never get into Europe, never win bugger all and if the law of averages finally applies Keane will find himself back in the Nationwide next season. Perhaps he doesn't care as long as he's got a first team shirt, which wouldn't have been guaranteed at Villa. Still, the fact is it makes our club look small-time. Again.

Makes us look bloody stupid as well when he scores twice on his debut to give the Rancids their first win of the season. This could turn out to be one of Herbert and JG's biggest balls-ups.

Oh what a surprise. Our defeat at Wankford Bridge is becoming an annual event. And another poxy own goal. David James must wonder what the hell's going on. It's not that much of a shock we lost, really. Apart from the keeper, who had another decent game, Villa had virtually the same side as last season and we weren't good enough then. Ghrayib and Boateng where nowhere to be seen. I know it's only one defeat but if we have aspirations of Champions League qualification we're gonna have to start pulling back one goal deficits and getting some draws, even at places like Chelsea.

So we beat Watford, but the last ten minutes sounded like a real backs-to-the-wall job. Perhaps JG should tell the whole team they're playing like tarts if Delaney's scorching goal is the end result. And what about our new keeper? Mr Worf has turned out to be our best signing, turning in a string of excellent displays. Boateng doesn't seem to be fit, in which case he shouldn't be playing, and Mr Ghrayib better get a game soon before the Curse of Ivo strikes him down.

Since Olbiyun have been taken over by a certain ex-Villa manager I find it nigh on impossible to dislike his new team. In fact I hope they do well this season. Especially if it's at the expense of that shite from Sty Andrews. Better watch out for them, by the way. They've now beat Port Vale, Norwich AND Exeter so they must be good. Oooer, I hope we don't get them in the Cup this season. Not that I think they'll beat us - it's just that it'll cost the club a fortune having the Witton End fumigated.

Question: what do you do if your team throws away a two goal lead and two points by giving away an injury time penalty for handball? Answer: get in your car and drive away as fast as you can, without attending the post match press conference, booing and snivelling as you go. Well, you do if your name's Beelzebub Francis, Prince of Adenoids.