BLAME DALIAN

BLAME DALIAN

A brand new series for our troubled times.

Do you get depressed by the war-ravaged, hypocritical, morally-bankrupt world in which we are living? Or are you simply troubled because Gascoigne's still fat, Graham Taylor's still got a job and Eric Cantona's French? Can't resolve the inner turmoil for the lack of someone to pin the blame on?

Well worry no longer. We've got the perfect way to relieve stress -

BLAME DALIAN ATKINSON

Just write to us with your own pet gripe - be it a world problem or a simple upset in your domestic life and we will promptly pin the blame on our very own, sometimes-fit number ten.

First out of this month's postbag is H.D.E. of Little Aston.

Q. I run what I thought was a highly successful and profitable football team, but for some reason we haven't won anything for eleven years and our accounts show that last season we lost £200,000. Naturally it can't be my fault, so who is to blame?

A. Calm down H. Of course it isn't your fault, nothing ever is. No, your problem is Dalian Atkinson. If he hadn't gone missing for three months last winter, then missed open goals against Coventry and Blackburn you would have been sorted. The league would have been yours and millions banked, no problem. It's nothing to do with you having trouble with figures - just BLAME DALIAN.

Remember: if you've lost your job or your girlfriend's left you and you think you're all alone in the world - write to us and we'll BLAME DALIAN.

Colin McGurn.
Taken From issue 25