Anthem

Anthem

Of course I was there. Together with wife, sons, grandsons and some 19,000 mostly unknown soulmates, it was the final opportunity as a traditionalist-libertarian to support the only team at the only stadium from the only worthwhile vantage point: STANDING on the Holte.

At the end of the game we were shown the League Cup and the lads took a well-deserved curtain call. I felt grateful for two things, Doug didn't appear. And Ron didn't sing. They tell me his party piece is "My Way". Perhaps he might enjoy the ensuing parody.

Just form a transfer queue
As I now face another season.
Don't question what I do,
I'm not obliged to give a reason.
My subtle scheme will be
To hold a players sell and buy day.
Maybe I'll buy back Sid
And do things my way.

The ones who face the axe
Were at the club before I came here
The best of my right backs
Will never get another game here,
Young Steven Frogatt too,
Is on his bike if I have my say
Not he, nor Tony D
Will do it my way.

For what is a team? What should it be?
If not a tool for serving me?
That I'm in charge there are no doubts
Kubicki goes, and both the Krauts.
I'll use the cash to purchase Fash
And do things my way.

When Frog and Tony D
Had both been sold to Graham Failure,
I tried to find the fee
For Robbie Slater of Australia.
I thought by Saturday
That he'd be here to do things my way
But while I thought, he had been bought,
By Ken on Friday.

In Nii (pronounce it knee)
I'm sure you'll find I've bought a winner.
And so, you may agree,
I am more sinned against than sinner.
I've even bought a King
And almost purchased Stevie Highway.
And Sammy Chung, but they're too young
To do it my way

Young English stars I've sold
Because I hated to inherit.
I like my players old;
I buy on age and not on merit.
I've just acquired a star
Who's thirty-plus. from Peckham Rye-way.
I'm telling you, young Fashanu
Will do things my way.

So.... where will it end, all this intrigue?
I might win cups, but not the league.
My ageing team with creaking knees
Is over filled with OAPS.
If they don't wilt, the team I've built
Will do it my way

In signing Fashanu
I know the records sure as hell show
I bought the brother who
Can tell his anus from his elbow
Like me, he's on TV,
Terrestrial and sometimes Sky-way
We're TV stars; so kiss my arse
And do it my way.

The name of Big Fat Ron
Will be acclaimed if we beat Inter.
The league's a marathon,
But it is known I'm just a sprinter.
I like to crack the quip
In my inimitable dry way.

I'm Big Fat Ron, and I'm the one
To do things my way.
Shareholders and the fans
May be bemused by what I'm doing.
I won't reveal my plans
Although I know unrest is brewing
Buck Chinn may see me grin,
But I'll be smiling in a wry way.
You must admit I've made a splash.
Where do I get all of the cash?
I sold a team and bought my own,
So credit me, and me alone.
We all got fat on David Platt.
I do things my way.

To Villa Park when I first came,
I never got a first team game,
I just arrived, then I was gone
They passed me on to Headington.
Now I am back, expect the sack
Or do it my way.

Taken from Issue 32