HURLOCK GOES TOTALLY OFF THE RAILS AND ROBBO IS SUBSTITUTED AGAIN

A report by our transport correspondent on platform 5.

Those loveable rascals at British Rail have recently announced exciting news for footballing Trainspotters. Commented B. R. spokesman Trackside O'Breakdown "Whilst we might perhaps be guilty of being late twice in every three, this time we're bang up to date with a whizzo idea. We've decided to name a fleet of our new 'Athletico Sprinter' trains after famous footballers. Each week an additional batch of locomotives will be given nameplates and the idea is for the unique characteristics of the train to reflect the footballing habits of particular players."

B.R. have obviously given this proposal a great deal of thought and the list of names issued to date makes for interesting reading. Here are just a few of the pairings announced so far.

SIR TERENCE HURLOCK
Often attempts to steam into the back of other trains for no obvious reason.

THE BRYAN ROBSON
Runs excellently on short distances, but regularly breaks down and bits often fall off the engine.

THE ANTONY DALEY
Operates independently from the rest of the network. When in steam can be a wonderful sight to behold, but often signalman, driver nor passengers have any idea where this engine will end its journey.

THE MARK HUGHES
Tends to jump off the tracks and drive down verges.

IVO THE ENGINE
Trainspotters have been clamouring to see this one in working order for years. Currently undergoing extensive maintenance work.

THE BILLY MAC
Also known as the Drowning Scotsman. When operating on English tracks has often been associated with points failures.

THE ROGER MILFORD
Has a tendency towards confusion over the role of yellow and red signals.

THE LIMPING GASCOIGNE
Often thought to be too heavy for the rails. Recently suffered A well publicised major breakdown in the North London area.

THE JAMES LEIGHTON
Frequently fails to hold the rails on corners.

B.R. are also appointing Graham Kelly to the position of Fat Controller. Said Kelly "This means that I will be able to develop the profitable main line Inter-City routes whilst abandoning the needs of commuters on branch lines."

Jon Follows
Taken From issue 13