After the usual debacle when we try to sign someone, the unusual happens - we get our man. And after seeing Signor Carbone's brilliant debut all I can say is, give him a longer deal. In nearly 25 years I can't remember a debut that showed such skill and flair. Supporters were getting excited every time Carbone had the ball at his feet. And when was the last time you saw one of our players take the piss out of the opposition full back and put over a perfect cross for our number nine to despatch into the net? It was like a diamond in a pile of pigshit.

Did you notice Mr Ghrayib make an appearance against Wimbledongs? Make the most of it - you might not see him again. And for the umpteenth time this season our midfield set out to put everyone to sleep by half time. Taylor was like an extra defender, Thompson must wonder how he's getting in the team, Hendrie will be okay when he stops passing sideways and as the season goes on it seems we have been well and truly conned paying £4.5 million for Boateng. I suppose Carbone HAD to look good next to this lot.

Every time an opposition player puts a shot horrifically wide the Holte End waste no time with the "Savo" chants. I will not join in. I thought, even

though he had his faults, that Savo Milosevic was a decent player. He's just become the first Zaragoza player to score in six consecutive games, culminating in a hat trick last time out. Let's put it this way, would you rather have Savo in your team, or Collymore and Merson? I'd give the Spanish both those wasters, and Watson and any of our boring midfielders to get the sulky Serb back.

So it's farewell to Michael Oakes, who moves to Wolves where he's got a good chance of keeping the bench warm again. Not a bad keeper, not top class, Oaksie will be remembered more for the alleged size of his willie than his goalkeeping exploits.

Herbie D has saved another load of wages by offloading Oakes, but we've lost out on Revivo because his Dougness was too slow in coming up with the cash to back the talk. As our supposed Director of Football our leader is doing more harm than good. If only there was a way to get rid of the doddering old prat. Director of Football? I reckon he has trouble directing Andrex to the anal area.

Oh yes, it's gonna be another happy weekend in the Ranting household after that feeble capitulation at Mold Trafford. Ok, we had a few chances, but we missed 'em. In the last 25 years I think we've only won once at this shit hole. Why for once can't we show some fight and bottle? They had a midweek trip to eastern Europe while our lot had their feet up and we still get pissed all over. It's just not good enough, and the way things are going we will struggle to finish above the slime from Shitefield Road. Welcome to mid table obscurity.

The Holte don't often come up with anything really amusing, but recently in the one about Beelzebub and Mrs Peskiedildo the supporters hold the word "slag" as if they're trying to get into the Guinness Book of Records. Very, very funny - keep it up lads. Here's a good 'un. Scunthorpe manager Brian Laws, the former psychopathic Forest defender, was a bit peeved when a young lad he had loaned from his old club wasn't sure if he wanted to stay a second month. "Get that tracksuit off", he raved. "If you don't want to play for us you don't wear the kit." He then forced the player to remove his tracksuit, leaving him in a pair of shorts. Can you imagine what would happen if JG did that? On current form most of the team would trot out onto the pitch at Villa Park stark bollock naked.

Collyflour has rejected another chance to play first team football, turning down Forest's loan offer. Shit. I thought we'd got shut of him this time. It seems as if he really doesn't want to play football. Then again, he could be biding his time in readiness to toady up to the next manager when JG gets the chop, which could be sooner rather than later.

Quelle surprise, we lose our unbeaten home record to Southampton, who were truly shite. The problem was we were worse. When we conceded in the 84th minute no one by us in the Upper Holte could even be bothered to get angry, we were so clueless. In fact things were getting heated between Villa fans as to whether Ellis or Gregory should go. It doesn't seem to matter who plays, they all look bloody useless. Something drastic has got to happen or we all know which direction the team is going and it ain't up. If this game was entertainment, Trading Standards should be informed of a rip off. F***ing abysmal. Apart from the Saints supporters the only other person smiling after this fiasco was Stan Collymore.

Every now and again something happens that really makes me rant. This time it's my discovery that the BBC have wasted £6 million of licence payers money to buy the rights to show Man Ure's exploits in the World No One Gives A Toss About It Club Championship. What an absolute f***ing disgrace

It's soooooooooooooooooo boring when the league programme is cancelled that a story from the Potteries caught my eye. An Icelandic consortium have taken control of Stoke City, and manager Gary Megson replaced by Mr Unpronouncable, former Icelandic national coach Thordarson. The first thing Mr Thordarson does is sign three Scandinavian players. It remains to be seen if the new owners will change the name of the ground to The Reykjavik Stadium, continually play Bjork over the tannoy, and make shopping at Iceland compulsory.

I saw it confirmed on TV the other day by Paul Whitehouse - there will be no new series of The Fast Show. This is desperately bad news for fans of the show and people who have nothing but contempt for Small Heath. Mark Williams, one half of the 'Suits You sir' tailors, is a Villa supporter. This would be obvious to anyone who has seen his Fast Show skit of a family of shoplifters racing around various shopping centres, weighed down with ill gotten gains, and some wearing Small Heath shirts. A comedy classic.

Finally, another of my predictions sadly came true. After that disgraceful performance at Shitefield Road I've lost all patience with our manager, who should hang his head in shame after Robbie Keane predictably scored the winner. I don't know how much longer we can continue before it is realised at Villa Park how bad we are. Gregory's failure to play Carbone at Coventry was stupid and to leave him on the bench and bring on Watson was nothing short of lunacy. Even I wouldn't blame Ellis for not trusting JG with any more money. They con us out of over £10 million for Dublin and Boateng and for about the same money they get Keane, Chippo and Hadji. I think it's plain as the hooter on Cyrano de Bergerac's face who got the best deal there. And then we have to watch as you know who scores the winner when if it wasn't for Gregory's poor judgement he would be playing for us. We simply cannot go on like this - something's got to give. My three suggestions, Ellis to sack JG; Ellis to resign, and every last Coventry fan on earth to die of syphillis. One day I will be able to rant about good things happening at Villa. Won't I...............?